Mountain West Conference Season Review for NDL Season 17
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Kitten Mittens. Quiet those kittens with some mittens!
I thought I’d do a little something special for the end of this historic season 17 of the Mountain West Conference. Why is it historic? Well it’s just about over, for one. For two, because I said so and I’m a history teacher and I’m always right. If you don’t like it, you can take it up with the front office. Anyway, I’m going to go all Sports Guy (or as I’ve referred to him for the last 3 years since he lost his edge, the Sports Douche) on you and recap the season with some memorable quotes from the best show on TV, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. And away we go!
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This memorable quote goes out to TCU. What started out so great ended with nothing but pain as the Horned Frogs looked well on their way to wrapping up their umpteenth consecutive conference championship and even had a shot at a BCS title game berth until the wheels fell off in Week 10. The Frogs would eventually drop three of their last four games with the one win being a 31-28 nailbiter over 4-8 Wyoming. Ouch.Gail the Snail: "I'm giving Uncle Frank a handie under the table"
Frank: "That is true. Look snail back off cause you're just mashing it now"
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And if you’re looking for a better NDL coach than WJ5811 you might be S.O.L also because he’s got to be near the top of the class. While I still definitely believe that San Diego State is on EA’s top secret favorite team list somewhere, along with Michigan, there’s no disputing the way he overachieved this season.Dennis: If you're looking for a better steak in an arcade setting you're shit out of luck!
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This goes out to those individuals who still believe the MWC doesn’t deserve an automatic BCS bid. While the rest of the conference may have stunk it up this season, it’s very difficult to credibly say that the top 3 teams are not BCS quality clubs. With wins over such regular BCS party goers as Auburn and Clemson, the MWC, at least in NDL land, is certainly not a second tier conference.Charlie: INTERVENTION! INTERVENTION! WHOOOP! WHOOOP!
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This goes out to Wyoming. If Nike can find eleventy billion ways to dress Oregon, why can’t they find a single decent home and away uni set for the Cowboys?Spin Class Instructor: First of all, I don't think you should even be here if you had a heart attack, ma'am.
Dee: Well, maybe you shouldn't dress like a bumblebee, bitch.
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This goes out to the lowly Colorado State Rams. They finished in the Mountain West cellar (or would it be a valley?). With only 150 points scored on the season while giving up almost twice that, it was a rare day when the Rams were competitive. Maybe they should be called the Ewes until they can redeem themselves.Artemis: (Referring to Dee) The outcast. The slut. The bitch. The whore. The lonely, sad, slutty, bitchy whore
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This one goes out to the TCU offense which surprisingly ranked 1st in the conference and 21st in the country in total offense. While TCU is known as a defensively oriented squad, they clearly were putting up some numbers on the other side of the ball too.Mac: That doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about stars to dispute it.
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This memorable quote is all about the changing of the guard in the MWC. TCU owned the conference for season after season, but like 2008 Dennis, they began to decline. Along came a couple of Rexes in the forms of San Diego State and New Mexico and next thing we knew, TCU’s bird had quit, and he was no longer legit.Mac: Ugh! Ew! All right, this is messy. Um, look, buddy, 2003 Dennis, okay, he was Grade-A prime beefcake. No one is disputing that. He was a stallion. But 2008 Dennis is in decline. Take a look at Rex here. That is a body that just won't quit. I bet if you pop these pants off, you're gonna find a bird that just won't quit either. And I think that'll come in handy in this situation. I think the problem here is that your body quit. Your bird quit. And unfortunately, it's no longer legit.
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This one goes out to the SDSU Aztecs, who were truly… awesome on both sides of the ball, leading the conference in points per game and they were an extremely close second (by .5 ppg to UNM) in points allowed per game.Dennis: (reading from his book) "I removed my robe and stood before her, taut, nubile, proud. She was much, much older than me, but her breasts ... were awesome."
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This goes to the TCU defense which led the conference in sacks. The Frogs were led by their bookend DE’s Braylon Broughton and Jerry Hughes who each collected 8 sacks on the season. Wyoming was a surprising 2nd in this category with 32 sacks to TCU’s 34.Charlie: I'm gonna smack the face off of your face!
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This one goes to the man who in all likelihood will end up as the Defensive Player of the Year in the conference and will probably challenge for national honors as well, UNM DB Freddy Young. His numbers were just ridiculous with 135 tackles, 12 TFL, 1 sack, 5 INT’s, 11 PD’s, 1 DTD, 4 FF, and 2 FR.Dee: I will eat your babies bitch!!!!!
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This one goes to the conference’s best player at a position where you’ve really got to be well endowed (from what I hear) to succeed, quarterback. San Diego State’s Ryan Lindley “hung” some big numbers on teams this year as he connected for 24 touchdowns with a 198 QB rating.Dennis: There's a dick in those pants
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This one goes to the Utah Utes. Sometimes you think you’ve got it made but then you find out you’ve got to pay to troll toll before you get there. That’s an apt comparison for this highly rated squad. Despite their talent, they severely underachieved and limped back to the SLC with a 4-8 record.Frank: [singing] You gotta pay the troll toll to get into this boy's hole. You gotta pay the troll toll to get in. You want this baby boy's hole, you gotta pay the troll toll.
Charlie: Stop,...
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This quote is for coach deedub. Not only does he have the stature of a little Mexican girl, but after his huge season in the Land of Enchantment, one has to believe that he has definitely developed a taste for New Mexican cuisine.Charlie: What does a little Mexican girl love more than anything else in the world?
Dennis: Hmmmmmmmmm... tacos.
Charlie: Tacos buddy!
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Here’s another quality quote (nice alliteration eh?) for the conference champs. Hopefully the Aztecs won’t have to do too much wooing to find themselves in a BCS bowl.Charlie: I see what you're saying. I could go for some wood.
Mac: Uh, no, we're saying 'wooed'.
Charlie: Yeah, cool. We'll get some wood, we'll build something cool, then we'll go get the money.
Dennis: That doesn't have anything to do with what we're talking about, Charlie. We're talking about being wooed by this corporate guy...
Charlie: How are you going to be wood?
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This goes to SDSU punter Brian Stahovich who consistently flipped the field position battle in favor of the Aztecs as he pinned the opposing offense inside their 20 yard line 14 of the 25 (only 25?!?!?!?) times he punted. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________The Gang: [singing]Flip, flip, flipadelphia! Flip, flip, flipadelphia!
This goes to all the MWC coaches that are probably going to be looking for new jobs next season whether they want to or not. By my count that’s probably about six of them.Charlie: Oh, get a job? Just get a job? Why don't I strap on my job helmet, and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job land, where jobs grow on jobbies!
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This one goes to the Air Force Falcons, who often found themselves being in the position of being raped- I’m sorry, I mean- sexed from behind early and often as they averaged a meager 4.5 points in the first quarter of their games this season.DENNIS: That's a good idea, you know what Charlie because the blanket will make the rapings- I'm sorry the, um, sexing from behind feel more classy.
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One of the greatest moments in Sunny history goes to Air Force. They will be the true measure of how the conference is regarded. With a 6-6 record they are a borderline bowl team. While I think they will definitely make a bowl game somewhere, the quality of said bowl game is in question and will go a long way towards exhibiting just what league leadership thinks about our fine conference.Charlie: WILD CARD BITCHES!
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One of my favorite Mac moments goes to UNLV. While their performance on the field was far from longer, thicker, and far more badass, the city itself puts UNLV into the category of “Duster” for the MWC. Who wouldn’t want to live in Vegas and who wouldn’t want to be a college student in Vegas? San Diego definitely ranks a very close second, just ask the Daddy.Mac: It's not a jacket, it's a duster. It's like a jacket, only it's longer, thicker, and far more badass. I look like Lorenzo Lamas and women find it irresistable.
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I hate to dwell on this, but the MWC is clearly deserving of a BCS bid this season. But like the decisions Charlie speaks of, that decision is best left to the ‘suits’ in NDL management. The Mountain West will just have to sit back and eat some dude.Charlie: Those kinds of decisions are best left to the 'suits' in Washington... We're just here to eat a dude.
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Another great Charlie line goes out to the probable Offensive Player of the Year in the MWC, TCU running back Joseph Turner. With this kind of stat line (217 carries, 1196 yards, and 16 TD’s) how could he not wear a “C” as captain of the All-Conference team?CHARLIE: Alright, later dudes. F you in your A's, don't wear a C and J all over your B's.
MAC: Why would he not wear a C?
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Dee’s Puerto Rican routine goes out to BYU. These white guys were daaancin’ all season long, but unfortunately, they just ended up lookin’ stupid most of the time.Dee: you white boys right,you white boys?? you know when you in da cluub,and you be daaancin'...why you look so stupid??
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This final quote goes to…. Me. Am I the greatest commish or what? This you should vote me. Thanks for a great season guys and I wish you the best of luck in season 18.Hello fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power good. Thank you. Thank you. If you vote me I’m hot. What? Taxes they’ll be lower son. The democratic vote for me is right thing to do Philadelphia. So do.
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