As you will soon see from the calendar, our conference game is coming up. I'm sure you are as excited for it as I am, as our teams are in the same conference and have been for quite some time. Your confidence in your team is high, but rest assured, you will suffer humiliation when the Bulls defeat your pitiful wreck of a college.
On numerous occasions, you have expressed the conviction that your team will be victorious. I must admit that every time I hear you make this proclamation, I react with both laughter and disbelief. "Ha!" I say to myself with laughter. "What?!" I say to myself in disbelief. How could you believe that your college could beat my college? It is clear that yours is inferior in every way.
When the sporting contest begins, the players on your team will be treated as though they are inconsequential. It will be remarkably easy for my team to accumulate more points than yours. There are many reasons for this, starting with the inferior physical attributes of the players representing your area. Strength, speed, and agility are just three of the qualities that the players on the team from your school lack. The players representing my area, on the other hand, have these traits in abundance.
I would not be a bit surprised if the individuals on the team from your school were sexually attracted to members of their own gender. That is how ineffective they are on the field of battle.
Underscoring your team's inferiority is its choice of colors. It is ludicrous to believe that your team's colors inspire either respect or fear. Instead, they appear to have been chosen by someone who is colorblind or, perhaps, bereft of sight altogether. The colors for my team, on the other hand, are aesthetically pleasing when placed in proximity to one another. They are a superior color combination in every way.
While we are on the subject of aesthetics, let us compare the respective facilities in which our teams play. While my team's edifice is blessed with architectural splendor and the most modern of amenities, yours is a thoroughly unpleasant place in which to watch a sporting contest. I know of what I speak, for I once attended a game between our respective teams in your facility. Let's just say the experience left me wishing that my car was inoperable that day due to mechanical problems, rendering it impossible for me to get to your area to attend the game.
If you need another reason why the University of New York at Buffalo is superior, look no further than the supporters for the two sides. Not only are UB fans more spirited, but they are also more intelligent and of finer breeding than you and the rest of your ilk. In addition, the UB girls possess more attractive countenances and figures than yours. Some of the women from Buffalo that I have observed could make a living by posing for pictures for major men's magazines. The women who cheer for your team, I'm afraid, are far too unattractive to do so.
One of the more pathetic aspects of your school is the fact that only people in your immediate area possess an affinity for it. By means of contrast, the team from my area inspires loyalty and affection in individuals who live in many other geographic locations, including other planets.
To illustrate this point, let me tell a brief story: Recently, I was on vacation in an area of the country far away from my own, and I saw many individuals wearing items of clothing that bore the insignia of the Bulls. I approached one such individual and asked him if he originated from Buffalo. He said no, explaining that he simply liked the the Bulls and had for many years. Interestingly enough, during this trip, I saw no clothing or other paraphernalia bearing the insignia of your team.
Do you still doubt that the team your control is inferior to the one from mine? Just look at our teams' respective histories. In the past, we have defeated you on any number of occasions. Granted, there were times when your team beat my team, but those were lucky flukes.
The day of the game will soon be at hand. And no matter how hard you pray to a higher power or how many foam accoutrements you wear in support of the team you control, your team will be defeated. We will win and you will lose. This is your fate.
Prepare for humiliation. It shall be upon you at the designated hour.
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